Identity Crisis
by Aeon1622
Summary: Hormones do funny things to people; mellows some out and ignites a fire in others, all the while a very torn redhead is stuck in the middle.
1. Chapter 1

Today seemed like just any other day at Whammy's house; nothing extraordinary to speak of when looking from the outside. The sun shined, the children played, and all was well; or so one would think. Little did anyone know that a young prodigy sat curled in his room suffering the most detrimental of an identity crisis. The now fifteen year old seemed to be glaring at his reflection in a small handheld mirror, harshly patting down a wild mess of pure white hair and pinching color into otherwise plain cheeks; to him all was not well. Appearances had never held any volition this time last year, but now hormones had kicked in and all the things that used to matter don't anymore. Near huffed and dropped the mirror onto his white plush carpet none too gently, no longer having the will to stare at the plainness that was his reflection. _**Something has got to give…**_

Near stood and shuffled to his window in the shy, meek way that he did most things; staring longingly at the other children laughing and enjoying the warmth of the mid-spring sun. The sickening twisting and turning of his stomach was something that he couldn't ignore no matter how desperately he had tried; he wanted to be out there, he wanted to be something other than the next in line, and he wasn't even sure he wanted that at all anymore. Nothing about this life he led had been normal, nothing before coming to Whammy's had been normal. _**Maybe I should run away? Go to a place where no one knows my title or what it means; maybe then I could be happy? **_

In his younger years Near had thought that if he kept everything out than he could never hurt, he had wanted to be void of all emotion, all things human. The nightmares of his parents' death still haunt him and he feared the pain would always rack his chest; but what he's beginning to realize is that erasing all traces of life on the outside doesn't stop his heart from bleeding, hurting, or loving. The past few months an onslaught of emotions have been wreaking havoc on his mind, he didn't even have the desire to play with his favorite train set anymore. Near was craving color, and music, and _life_; it was that simple, Near wanted to live.

Among the dozens of children, one stood out from all the rest; playing a game of soccer with the other children was the cause for Near's sudden self doubt. Golden locks flowed down to sun kissed shoulders, cerulean orbs alight with all of the life Near could only dream of, a brilliant smile brighter than the shining sun played on full lips; a smile that had never shown for him. The boy was the epitome of beauty, a striking array of colors perfectly contrasting one another; the wild unpredictability of the older boys mind even more alluring. Mello never hid from anyone or anything as Near did; Mello was strong and outspoken, no matter how trivial the battle may seem, he still fought. Near had always admired the ferocity of Mello's heart.

Long ago the boy genius had taken notice of the beads that hung loosely around the blonde's neck and knew what they symbolized. Near had never been a person of faith, but he understood the allure; no matter how difficult life becomes or how many mistakes are made, you are always loved, always forgiven. He was also aware that if Mello ever took notice of the way his eyes lingered on broad shoulders or the beginnings of abs that were being sculpted as he aged, Near might be severely beaten for it. It was difficult to believe that there was nothing wrong about feeling the way that he did when the object of his affections would be so deeply disturbed by the knowledge of it; especially those nights when he finds himself aching in a way he never knew possible for the boy who would never love him. _**Should it hurt to love you? Should I feel like I do? **_

Near leaned his head against the window, feeling it's coolness against his forehead; closing his eyes he searched to the deepest part of the soul he wasn't sure existed for the strength to turn everything he's ever known upside down. Pushing himself off the window, Near makes his way downstairs to find the only person he felt he could trust if the circumstances made him resort to that, a look of determination warring with the usual vacancy of his charcoal eyes; Near was going to let the colors in, he was going to let in life._** Something has got to give.**_


	2. Chapter 2

Matt sat beneath the shade of a large willow tree overlooking the expanse of the yard where his best friend was enjoying his game of soccer; a portable game console in his hands, fingers madly dashing from one button to the next with lightning speed. He was so close to beating this level that he could taste his victory on his tongue; that is until he was distracted by the small ball of white who was now kneeling directly in front of him. Quiet, conceded, loner Near was staring blankly at him; which was strange in and of itself, but Matt honestly can't recall a single occasion which the albino had ever ventured out into the harshness of the sun. A crimson colored eyebrow arched and his head tilted slightly to the side a look of utter confusion plastered across his face. "Ummm… Near? Is there something you need?" Matt had barely even concerned himself with the melancholy tune playing through the speakers of his handheld system alerting him of his mission failure, he was far more interested in what Near could want with him.

"Matt, I am aware that you and I are barely even acquaintances, and that I have no right to ask favors of you. That being said, I need your help." The younger boy's stare was unwavering, something stern and determined shown in his eyes; he seemed almost desperate. Now Matt was officially reeled into whatever scheme Near was trying to put into motion; the actions already being so severely un-Near like that he had to see what was going to come next. "Name it, I'll see what I can do. Although, I don't know why the great Near needs _my_ help."

Onyx eyes softened, almost saddened, and Matt had almost thought that he imagined the slight furrow of Near's brow. "There is nothing _great_ about me, I assure you…" The voice was small and unsure, the redhead had to strain to hear him; he could see how much whatever this was meant to his younger peer and felt the sudden urge to help him through it; unknown to anyone with the exception of Mello, Matt was a romantic in every sense and wouldn't have the heart to say "No" to a hurting soul.

"Matt, I need to sneak out for a day and purchase some things. I also need some help getting rid of some things. Can you do that for me?" Now it was Matt's brows that were furrowed, only his were in confusion; _**Is that all? There has to be more to this…**_ "Sure, Near. Not a problem…" His words came slow and careful, unsure whether or not to believe this was legitimate. Near's eyes were ever so slightly brighter then, specks of blue-grey dancing amongst the usual black; the smallest of smiles playing on pink lips. The gamer was a bit taken aback by the sudden show of emotion, so many years he'd known Near and had never witnessed as much as a yawn from the kid, no less a smile; he was also taken aback by how beautiful he thought it was. Matt swallowed hard and quickly cast down his striking emerald eyes, color rising to his cheeks. Near rose to his feet then and turned to leave. "One last thing, can this please stay between us? Tell no one." Matt simply nodded and returned to his game desperate to shake off the confusion of what he just felt and for who. _**Well… This is going to get interesting.**_

Matt hadn't fully understood in that moment how true that was; a narrowed pair of sky blue eyes flared at the encounter; he saw the flushed face of his friend and the plump pink lips of his enemy turned in a smile. Mello was nothing if not persistent; he would get to the bottom of this, and he just hoped to God that it wasn't what it looked like.


	3. Chapter 3

For the next several days Mello had been giving Matt the third degree, questioning anything and everything the redhead did and why; the blonde had even barged in on him taking a shower one night, which was awkward for them both. So when Matt rose from the common room couch Mello looked at him almost accusingly, the question of where he was going and why shown in his bright blue eyes.

"Just going outside for a smoke, Mells." Matt's voice sounded tired and worn; he didn't wait for acknowledgement from his friend before walking away, thankful for a breather. He adored Mello with every ounce of his soul, but he could only take so much at a time.

Matt removed his goggles from his eyes, placing them on his head and enjoying the warmth of the sun against his closed and tired lids. Breathing deeply Matt pulled a cigarette from his pocket and went to light it before the breeze quietly blew out the flame, again and again. Matt groaned in frustration as two small hands moved to shield the flame from the wind, allowing the cigarette to burn. Jade eyes connected with slate and for a moment it seemed as though the world ceased to exist; voluptuous lips graced the redhead with a warm smile as the usual stoicism in the younger boys eyes softened into something more sensual that Matt couldn't quite place; all he knew is that seeing the albino boy made his stomach do flips. Matt quickly looked away before muttering his thanks to the boy, again taken aback by the show of emotion, he deeply inhaled the toxic smoke to help calm his nerves. Near simply nodded in acknowledgement and moved to sit on the stairs leading down into the yard, beckoning Matt to do the same, who was more than happy to oblige.

"I've noticed that things have gotten… tense since we spoke last." Matt chuckled and rolled his eyes at that, though he appreciated Near taking the time to make small talk with him.

"Yeah, you could say that. Mells will get over it. Listen, don't worry, I'm still going to help you. Just give it a few days for Mello to chill out a bit and we'll bust out of here for a day." Matt turned to smile at Near when he noticed the somber expression on the boy's face. "Hey… Near?"

Near looked straight ahead, brows furrowed and lips turned down in a slight frown. "I apologize for causing you so much trouble. Mello can be… relentless." His voice was so low that it was almost a whisper. Matt was beginning to realize just how much his peer could affect him as he felt a tinge of sadness at the meek sound of the boy's voice, suddenly overwhelmed with a need to protect the younger from such things. Jade eyes hardened in determination, immediately deciding that Near was much prettier while smiling and surprising himself at how honest he was being about it. "Tomorrow morning, while everyone is still sleeping I'll come to your room so leave the door open, okay?" Near turned to look at the redhead, his eyes were bright specs of powder blue and deep stone gray dancing hopefully as he smiled again for the gamer; Matt felt himself melt, immediately proud of himself for bringing out this side of Near.

Heavy footsteps stomped towards the pair and the smile quickly faded from Near's lips, eyes blinking before going blank. The white clad boy rose from the steps, simply nodding at the boy with the fag dangling carelessly from his lips and turning to walk back into the house. Matt looked to Near with confusion on his face before he noticed Mello standing in the door way looking none too happy with his friend, leaning to one side his arms were crossed over his chest. _**Uh oh…**_ "Uh… Hey, Mells!" Matt put on his best face, smiling brightly for his friend in hopes of lessening the blow; apparently it worked as the blonde simply rolled his eyes and huffed, taking Near's previous seat beside his friend. "Yeah, yeah. What was _that_ about?"

"Huh, Near? Just asking if I saw his robot." Matt stamped out his mostly finished cigarette, feeling a ping of guilt for lying to his best friend. Mello hummed his acknowledgement but the look in his eyes said he didn't buy it. "Stay away from the freak, will ya, Matt?" Said boy frowned but nodded in agreement; again feeling guilty knowing that he had again lied to his friend. At this point Matt wasn't sure that he had even wanted to stop talking to Near, he liked the fair featured boy more than he was willing to admit. Though seeing bright cobalt eyes and a kind smile that shown only for him, Matt again felt as though he was falling. _**This really is getting interesting; and by interesting I mean a real pain.**_

Mello rose and beckoned for Matt to follow him back into the common room where emerald eyes immediately locked onto the small ball of white crouched in a corner doing one of his puzzles. Matt smiled to himself, knowing what lay hidden beneath the mask and found himself excited for the day to end. _**Tomorrow.**_


End file.
